Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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