i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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