Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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