Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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