I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
