Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize