I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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