How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
