I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
