I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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