the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
