OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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