Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
