Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
