I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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