I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
