you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
