I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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