we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
