If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
