How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize