i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
