The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Do vagina's smell?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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