no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
