Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Randomize