I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
