I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
