My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
