Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
no. you can't hotbox the world.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
