so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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