Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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