I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
