Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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