I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize