Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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