im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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