i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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