the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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