3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
