I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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