i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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