what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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