I wish my penis had an off switch
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
