umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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