so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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