yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize