my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
