u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
