in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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