yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
