So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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