Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
