i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
