An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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