Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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