They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
