She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
