I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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