Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
