I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
