She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
