I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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