i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
