just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
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