You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
