The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
