I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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