the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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