we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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