OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
