Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i out mim tonsoeep
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
