I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
