Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
