were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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