I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
