You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I smell like Dick and happiness
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