There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
