i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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