he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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