i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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