And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
