I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
