i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize